Chapter 15 / The Handbook

The Wider World | Andre

How does the world look to you today? Do you worry about how things are going to work out? You’ve probably outgrown the fairytales your parents told to protect you from life’s harsh realities. You see things more like they really are. With so much information at your disposal— thanks to that supercomputer in your back pocket

Photo by Jake Colling on Unsplash

— you know instantly what’s going on halfway around the globe. You couldn’t live in a bubble if you tried.

The real world has come knocking.

Your studies have taken on a new dimension too. Questioning old assumptions, you have discussions about racism and privilege and consent. You’ve begun to shape opinions that have real consequences. You’re inspired by so much beauty. And you’ve glimpsed life’s darker side. History taught you about the rise of Nazism and the parallels in present day politics. Climate change is no longer a debate. The stakes have gone up significantly.

Extracurriculars aren’t the low-key everybody plays activities of your youth. School sports are starting to get as serious as their professional counterparts. High school kids didn’t need rotator cuff surgery 20 years ago. Student government elections didn’t used to resemble a blood sport.

Your aspirations are evolving too and it has encouraged you to expand your reach. Your research projects are more in-depth. Your community service projects show greater ambition. You’re growing up and, as you do, you’re learning the power, and the limitations, of your knowledge. All of this is preparing you to join the world on the biggest stage.

Maybe you can write about it.

What have you been through that reveals the changes you’re undergoing? Have you learned any important lessons as a result of your successes? How about your failures?

Meet Andre.

Like Leon, he acknowledges having difficulty expressing his emotions. We spend the better part of our first session getting more comfortable with the idea of doing a lot of that.

PERSONAL CHARACTERISTICS | ANDRE

SMART

ADVENTUROUS

OUTDOORSY

ATHLETIC

CODER

LAZY IF UNINTERESTED

UNSKILLED AT EXPRESSION OF EMOTION

CRAZY

LEADER

FRIENDLY

Andre attends a school for orthodox Jews which has limited his contact with the wider world. He feels the deficiency and has worked to address it. He feels the weight of the protracted hostilities between Israelis and Palestinians. His story reveals a sincere effort to open himself.

He tells it honestly and just as it unfolded.

PERSONAL STATEMENT

I live in a bubble.

Inside is safe, secure, and comfortable.

I am an observant, modern Orthodox Jew. I keep kosher, celebrate the Sabbath, and maintain other rituals. I go to a religious school where, with the exception of a couple of teachers, I talk to only Jews. Given the absence of contrasting opinions, there is a lack of moderation in political positions, my own included. This inspired me to join ##########, a non-profit that seeks to foster interfaith relations.

Our cohort had 9 Jewish and 9 Muslim teenagers. After almost 100 hours together, I developed friendships and challenged preconceived notions about the Middle East, religious beliefs, and other cultures. We discussed our differences which, on occasion, turned conversations into heated exchanges. Bubbles rubbing together causes friction.

One Sunday, we found ourselves discussing the Israel-Palestine conflict. ######, a young ########## woman in a hijab was the only Muslim in our group with direct Middle Eastern roots. She was very outspoken. Her challenging Israel's right to defend itself was strongly opposed by me and my fellow Jewish students. She felt alone and cornered. In a moment of complete despair, she broke down in tears.

I regret that I didn’t immediately offer her comfort. I was frustrated and confused. Had I been inconsiderate? Had I ignored her plight?

The unease I felt at being ignorant of #######’s story served as a reminder of my own biases, both known and hidden. I realized that I needed to continue to work on my biases and jumped at the opportunity when I studied at UCLA for 3 weeks.

On the first day of lecture, I sat next to #######, a Muslim. Discovering we were also in the same discussion session, I shared my recent experience with him, and we bonded over our religious identities. Having learned from my conversations with ########, I approached our relationship with curiosity and compassion. I asked him questions about his family and religion, and he reciprocated. I broadened my perspectives further with ######### roots.

We partnered together on many assignments. I helped him catch up on lectures he missed due to Eid al Ghadir, and he did the same when I left early for Shabbat on Fridays. During the three weeks, we had lunch together almost every day. I introduced him to some of my Jewish friends, and he, in turn, introduced me to his Muslim friends. We created our own cohort and continued to facilitate opportunities for others to widen their exposure to other religions and cultures.

On the morning of October 7th, an Israeli friend came to my house and shared the news that Hamas had attacked Israel. Due to Shabbat restrictions and the holiday of Sukkot, I couldn’t check my phone or the news. The stories I was hearing were horrifying. For two days, I listened to friends, family, and people at my synagogue respond angrily.

When I could check my phone 48 hours later, the war went from secondhand stories to images that will forever be ingrained in my head. I was overwhelmed by appalling videos and burst out in tears of frustration and despair. More than ever, I understood ########’s pain.

My bubble had burst.

I felt I needed to check in on ########. We talked and agreed that the best thing we could do for them was pray. Later in my prayers, I thought of my family and friends in Israel and of the innocent lives taken from injustice in Gaza.

The conversations and relationships I have built with those outside my bubble have enriched my beliefs. They have also pushed me to think differently and work through uncomfortable situations. I accept that. I welcome it.

While my heart has been broken by the violence in my world, at least my eyes are open.

End.

Andre wrote the bulk of his essay prior to the attacks of October 7th, 2023. He had, in fact, finished it. But then the world intruded and he felt it necessary to rewrite the ending. It was a painful exercise. But he persisted, knowing that it would be incomplete without the additional writing.

He was uncertain whether to write about the young Muslim woman’s tearful interaction with him. He felt that it might portray him as having bullied her. I advised him to include it. Real life is messy. Our failures allow us to learn and grow. No one would think less of him, I said.

We all live in a bubble. Seeking comfort and safety, we naturally surround ourselves with what is familiar. But to be a citizen of the world, we need to intentionally break down the walls that separate us. Andre tried to do that. That his efforts coincided with the tragic events of October 2023 could not have been predicted nor avoided. The feelings were carved more deeply.

Andre and I are very different. He is naturally reserved and soft spoken. I speak impulsively, trying to spur a response. But not now. I offer him comfort and assure him that he made the right choice of topics.

Anyone reading Andre’s story will come away with a clear picture of the young man he is. His thoughtful telling and his empathic response convey a serious and caring soul. Whatever missteps were made, they are finally seen for what they are— the inevitable cost of living in the world . . . and learning.