The Handbook / Chapter 4

Personal Qualities

CHAPTER 4 | Personal Qualities

So far we’ve evaluated academic potential, overall classroom fitness, and extracurricular achievement. But what kind of person are you? This is perhaps the most important criteria when considering the compatibility of humans living together. Who cares if your classmate is wicked smart if they’re also just plain wicked?

And remember, in addition to admitting you, colleges are going to be picking your roommates as well. You probably won’t mind if they take their time with that decision.

Don’t we all make these kinds of judgments fairly often? Think back to the last time you threw a party. You put together a guest list, probably with a maximum number of people in mind. The first to be included were easy— the friends you always think of. Maybe then you considered who might make for good chemistry, but based on what? Most likely you considered their personality, sense of humor, and whether they’re fun and get on with others. Apply the same thinking to building a college class and you have a pretty good sense how one’s personal qualities come into play.

Where previous categories have relied on objective, and more easily comparable, criteria (grades, scores, and awards), assessing PQs is a more subjective task. How will a college determine whose personality is more winning? More caring and empathetic? Is there such a thing as a Niceness Scale?

Of all the analyses taking place, this one is perhaps least scientific. But it matters as much as anything else. I have seen the cases of brilliant and highly accomplished applicants undone by bad behavior. I have witnessed offers of admission rescinded over things as serious as sexual assault and as petty as penny theft. And I’ve read uplifting testimonials to students that pushed them clear across the finish line. I don’t think it is an overstatement to say that no one gets admitted who is a known jerk. You’ll still meet jerks in college, sadly, because a few will always slip by undetected, like mosquitos in a tent.

Admissions committees will, however, make their best effort to fill their class with decent human beings. AOs do not live in a vacuum but rather work in close proximity to student dormitories and dining facilities. More than a few are also dorm proctors living down the hall from students, taking their meals among undergraduates. They know first hand how successful they have been in attracting people of good character. In addition to their feedback, the Freshmen Dean’s office meets with the admissions committee early in the year to report on disciplinary matters and it is not uncommon to reopen an application folder to see if clues were missed as to a student’s being a potential problem. Information shared regarding suspensions and probation reminds AOs to remain vigilant.

Personal Qualities

1] Having exceptional personal traits, an inspirational presence a la

Mother Teresa

2] Very strong and personable, integrity and trustworthiness. Clear

school leader

3] Solid citizen

4] Meh

5] Look for explanatory documents

So what traits are colleges looking for? Let’s build the perfect classmate. Who would make classes at Dream U most rewarding?

They would have a positive demeanor without a trace of saccharine sweetness. They would greet you with genuine good cheer that felt welcome and measured. Their social skills would make them attentive listeners and confident contributors to the discussion. Their curiosity would manifest in insightful questions that advanced dialogue and supported classmates. A fearlessness would enable them to risk putting forward unpopular views that challenged conservative thinking. They would be kind when arguing contrary opinions, never disrespecting or using sarcasm. They would not be defensive. Rather, they would be open to changing their mind. They would show good humor and be able to laugh at themself. They would be quick to recover from a mistake. They would display an underlying compassion and a belief in the common good. They would eagerly join you as collaborators, and be invaluable for their creative and innovative input.

Let’s do the same for a roommate.

They would be friendly and open but respect personal boundaries. They would be accepting and available but content to keep to themself. They would be interesting and funny, yet capable of seriousness. They would be honest but not hurtfully so, neat but not obsessive. They would be generous with their time and pizza. They would be interested, hardworking students who could occasionally be talked into a night off at the cinema. They could be depended on for good advice but wait until asked. They would welcome you into their home when you couldn’t afford a plane ticket home for Thanksgiving.

Such an individual would be enshrined in the Applicant Hall of Fame, earning a solid 2+ rating. If they occasionally baked fresh cookies, they might even warrant a 1. We should all be so lucky.

Learning everything above from a single application would be rare. But I can imagine any one of those descriptions being included in a submission from a teacher or school counselor. Being a positive presence in the classroom is a phenomenon underrated by everyone except teachers. A student who demonstrates actual enthusiasm for learning is a gift, as welcome as a cruel cynic is not. Having the emotional intelligence to be a great roommate is not uncommon. When these life skills are evident, they are happily and widely reported.

AOs will draw such information from teacher recommendations, the Secondary School Report (SSR), and your own writing. Let’s take a look at each of these sources to understand their significance.

As we discussed in Chapter 2, teacher recommendations will be pivotal in communicating to the college your academic potential. If your teacher has an opinion as to your character, however, they will make this known as well.

It isn’t often a teacher will drop a bombshell exposing a student’s toxic nature. It happens, but it’s seldom. More often, they have something complimentary to share. It’s frequently the enthusiasm the teacher employs in describing you, or lack of it, that gets the AO’s attention. And again, you should examine your history with any given teacher to anticipate how helpful they will be in advocating for you. Your request for a recommendation should be thoughtful and thorough. You might remind your teacher of interactions between the two of you that held particular meaning or provided you strength in a difficult time. Be truthful, but don’t hesitate to ask for their help. This transaction dates back a long time. You aren’t asking them for anything out of the ordinary. What makes it unique is your singular relationship and the importance to you of their contributions. You have every right to care greatly about this one instance. It’s extraordinary because it’s your life in the balance.

The Secondary School Report (SSR) is written by your school counselor (SC) and is intended to give the college an overview of your high school experience. Think about the relationship you have built with your SC. Is it a close one? Is this someone whose office you frequent and with whom you have shared stories over the years? If not, it’s never too late to introduce yourself and begin the work of establishing a foundation upon which you can build a relationship. You may have to assert yourself. Many SCs are overloaded with counselees. Even so, they will make room for those who demand it. Take a deep breath and advocate for yourself. If one attempt is insufficient, keep at it. I have read SSRs that tell stories exactly like I just described. The school counselor will include the fact that you cared deeply enough about applying to college to overcome the odds, and your fears, by insisting upon meeting.

If you have frequent contact with your SC, better still. They will dip into that history to bring your case to life. Take care with your brag sheet and resume, making sure it is concise and updated. Share your dreams and disciplines. We, your advisers, are inspired by your creativity and desire. We want to help. Help us help you by communicating what we will need to know to present a living, breathing representation of you. ⇨ 🕰⇨

Students will often cite their community service as evidence of their PQs and there is often good reason for doing so. But you have to take into consideration that for some schools this activity is compulsory. Some students fulfill the obligation and quickly move on to other pursuits. You may need to distinguish the satisfaction you derive from its having been a requirement.

Service feels good. Science has shown that volunteering conveys health benefits, both mental and physical. Involving yourself in another’s success is an altogether different kind of victory. The volunteer feels better connected to the world, momentarily relieved of everyday concerns. I have experienced the thrill of participating in the launch of a student into college and beyond. And while a personal, more individual, conquest has plenty going for it, the reward of contributing, even in a small way, to someone else’s success is singularly fulfilling. Plus it is easily replicated. Just go and volunteer again.

These benefits take nothing away from the act of service. Volunteers are a special and, I would argue, evolved breed. Rising above our many differences, humans can accomplish great things in bridging cultural, racial, and socio-economic divides through charitable work. Chef Andres, the Spanish founder of World Central Kitchen, has served millions of hungry mouths while earning the respect and admiration of people of all nationalities. Six of his co-workers paid with their lives in a Gaza missile strike.

We mere mortals satisfy ourselves with work on a lesser scale. We help a middle schooler solve equations and pick up plastic bottles on the local beach. We mentor younger students and organize a community food drive. And smaller still, but not insignificant, we show kindness when we can, maybe the best of our personal qualities.

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